Does your teenage daughter get angry a lot and most often you can’t seem to understand the reason behind her unreasonable attitude. Her frequent outbursts are making you question your own behaviour. Read on to find out what might be going wrong in her life?

As parents, we have all crossed that significant age called ‘teenage’ where new relationships outside the home  And friendships at schools and colleges mattered more than being termed a ‘good’ girl or boy at home. Teenage is a crucial period in everyone’s life and your daughter is no different.

Most parents compare their own teenage years to that of their daughters’ and hastily reach one-sided conclusions. Conclusions that their teen daughter is being rebellious and angry all the time for no obvious reason. Here, very few parents would consider giving a fair chance to their daughters to explain or reason out their side of the story. And my experiences are no different than yours.

Does your teenage daughter get angry a lot

A report by American Psychological Association presents alarming statistics regrading anger outbursts in teens. 

does your teenage daughter get angry a lot

Source: Apa.org, Harvard medical school study 

I am sharing few tips here that can make things better. Few Strategies that can help you manage the critical phase of your daughter’s life. The Angry Teen Years. 

7 key strategies to manage your teen’s Anger

The first thought I want to plant in your minds is that it is normal for your teen to feel frequent anger outbursts. It is also natural for parents to assume that their teen will abide by whatever they say. That is an ideal situation but seriously, lacks pragmatism. So, the first thing is to throw this concept out of the window as soon as possible.

Next, it is imperative to understand that you and your child are two different individuals from two different generations.

And third, the most important – we are not here to judge who is right and who is wrong. We are parents who love our kids zealously and want them to be happy and healthy.

Treat her with respect & see her managing her Anger effectively

Give space and show respect. Accept that she is no longer the little kid who would be ever-ready to please you. She is growing up and has her own preferences, choices, likes and dislikes. The moment she starts to feel that her mom has given up the authoritative role and is more of a friend to her, the anger and the frustration will start to dissipate.

This may be easier said than done, but believe you me, this will work wonders. Apart from improving the parent-daughter relationship, it gives a sense of mental security to her.

Keep trying to reconnect with her and see her conquer her Anger

Okay, the point is that you need to stop behaving as if you are at the receiving end. It is not about you anymore. It is about HER. Even if there are constant outbursts and tantrums, show enthusiasm in re-connecting back with her.

Don’t let that spirit go – don’t be in a hurry to give up on your daughter. Just understand that she is going through a difficult phase in life and be there for her, whenever she wants you. 

Set Mutually Acceptable limits & help keep a check on your Teenage Daughter’s Anger Outburst

Accept that she is a grown-up and that she understands rules as much as you do. Don’t keep pestering her or admonishing her. As a parent you are responsible for setting up the boundaries and the rules. Be clear about them and tell her so in a transparent manner.

After this, let the rest to her. Trust her to follow and respect the rules. And she will not disappoint. The moment you start to behave as if she is an 8-year old who needs to be reminded of the rules, the rebel streak in her will start to wake up and come to the forefront.

Educate your teenage daughter about risks & help her to be Mindful about her Anger

She is your girl. The job of telling and educating her about various girl issues is your job. And you need to do is with positivity. Talk to her  and tell her about the risks and the ways to avert risks. Have a calm and compassionate discussion with her. Do not rush into things or let any kind of negativity to creep into this interaction.

Ignore the little things & See your teenage daughter’s anger dissipate

Yes, that’s true. There will be hundred of small little things that she will do or say – don’t start at everything. Give her space. Let certain things be. Stop attempting to tell her that everything she does or says is not right. Let her make some mistakes – she will only learn from them. Just be round to ensure that you are there for her when she needs you – that’s it.

Love your teen daughter unconditionally & help her overcome her Anger

You obviously love her. And you are protective. But in this new-age world, you need to just love her – unconditionally. Just keep doing so and you will be surprised at the results, that start to show gradually. And if you feel that she is getting a bit violent to handle or you are facing issues tackling your daughter, take help from a professional. Don’t be embarrassed or guilty about it.

Give your teenage daughter Positive Power & see the Anger vanish

Including her in your decisions and taking her suggestions will make her feel significant in the overall family life. This is a great strategy to delete the power struggles and jams that you often get into with your grown up teen.

The question of, “Does your teenage daughter get angry a lot” should not be dealt with frustration. Infact this is the time when your daughter needs your support. So love her & help her in understanding her own emotions and deal with it effectively.

Top Reasons behind your Teenage Daughter’s Angry behaviour

Blame it partially on the hormones

From stepping out of kid-sized shoes to getting a glimpse of adulthood, the period between 12 years to 18 years is a time when most girls have just started to taste independence. This sense of pseudo adulthood lends them with an enthusiastic and high-spirited nature. This is also the time when their physical being, along with the psychological and mental framework are undergoing a transformation that can leave them bewildered many a times.

Let’s face it – puberty is not a very comfortable period in a woman’s life, especially in the beginning. Your girl, who has already started her monthly flows is now seeing changes to her physical body that can at times, become very intimidating. There are hormones at work that make them moody and sulky.

Self Esteem Issues

Plus, some of them might have issues with their self-esteem, be uncomfortable with the bodily changes and get more self-conscious. To top it, the brain at this age is also extra active but uncertain that directly impacts your girl’s emotional control, decision-making and impulses.

The result – a confused individual who is being tormented with numerous conflicting thoughts and emotions but who also feels that she is a person with her own distinct personality and her parents needs to understand the same.

Teen Stress

Now, that sweet little girl of yours is meeting new people in her life – at school, college and other social setups. She is seeing and interacting with people from different socio-economic and cultural background. Then there are the boys and a new feeling of attraction towards the opposite sex. Add to that, the pressure of being visibly perfect on social media – a factor that was absent in our lives when we were their age. Having friends on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and the constant need to appear the best amongst the lot is no mean task.

And if this was no less diverting, there are favorite YouTubers and Tik Tok makers that increasingly put a pressure on their minds – it is not an easy world where these girls are growing up. So you might be having a tumultuous time at your professional level due to a cut-throat competition out there but believe me, it is no less competitive for the teenager to survive and remain at the top in her social circle.

There is curiosity, impulsive tendencies and an innate or imitated sense for proving their individuality and independence. The more that they see others, the more they want to create their own distinct personality, especially infront of you. But since their brain is still developing – a work-in-progress stage – there is a mix up of their emotions and reasoning powers.

In an attempt to prove to the world and specially to their parents that they are different than the rest and can look after themselves, they react – most often irritably and defiantly. But the tussle is there in their minds – between the thought that their parents want to still control them and their new-found sense of freedom. Therefore Teen stress is one of the major reasons behind your daughter’s angry behaviour.

Parental pressures to perform well in academics

Now, this also becomes way too bit for the girl to handle and often when she is unable to understand her own stress related to this. Often she is unable to talk about this stress directly and tendsto take the indirect route. Hence, her attitude and behavior would start to look unreasonable to you but to her – there is no other way probably to communicate to you that you are burdening her with your expectations.

There could be various other reasons but majorly your sweet little girl is getting a bit too much to handle because of her hormones, her social circle – offline and online, and your expectations.

Frequently Asked Questions about teenage daughter’s anger outbursts

There are many parents who come to me seeking answers on their daughter’s puzzling behaviour and attitude. I am sharing some here. Let me know what your thoughts are and how you are handling your equation with your teenage daughter.

My daughter seems to be a completely different person, from another planet. Why?

Teenage is not really a smooth phase anymore. There is peer pressure in not only studies but also other aspects of life. Then, her own body is changing. And all these internal and external factors are affecting her behaviour. 

How should I handle my rebellious teenage daughter who is ready to fight with me at a drop of a hat?

My advice would be to keep trying to communicate with her, to understand her and to show your unconditional love for her. If it goes out of hand, consult a professional. But try to handle things with love and empathy. 

My daughter other day retorted back saying she is a grown-up now and that I should mind my own business. What do I do?

Don’t fight back, for sure. Her new-found sense of freedom and her mind that is still developing is making her say so but you know that she still needs you to take care of her. Not overtly but definitely under wraps. So, give her space and start treating like an individual. Also, respect her opinion. Watch her steps from a distance but upfront let her handle her issues. And let her make few mistakes because we all learn from our experiences. 

My daughter is getting very unpredictable and gets angry on things that she used to like earlier. Why is it happening?

Again, the parents of young teens have to mindful of the teen stress and reasons she could be feeling overwhelmed. Furthermore, teens are learning to express their emotions and hence are not completely aware of what they are feeling and how should they address those feelings. So getting irritated and being angry seems to be their go to behaviour in all this mess. Step back and take yourself and your ego out of the picture and re enter into the frame with love nd empathy. This way you can solve the hardest of outbursts.

So parents, just know, that this is a phase and shall pass too. And the basic rule should be to not take her verbal attacks personally and try and understand the reason behind her behaviour.

Key Solution to, “Does your teenage daughter get angry a lot?”

The conclusive answer to this question is hence about getting to know her better and understand what is bothering or overwhelming her. And trying to support her and unconditionally love her are 2 other key things to keep in perspective and at the bottom of it all. Treat it as an opportunity to create a strong bond with your teenage daughters and fill her bucket with so much love that she feels capable enough to face the world and its pressures.

I would reiterate that daughters are angels in our life. And we love them and want the best for them. But, as they grow up, give them a fair opportunity to understand their own feelings and emotions without you being overbearing and trying to dominate them.

Hi, I am Kushal Singhal – Parent of two lovely kids and the Founder of Cafe Whiz.