How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter? Have you ever wondered how some parents have managed to build rock solid relationship with their teens? So, let us explore our answers in this post.

Each child requires loving and supporting parent relationship through out his life. However the need for love support and understanding is at its peak in the teen years. This is the time when so many transformations are happening in your teens’ life. This is the perfect opportunity for parents to think of ways to improve their relationship with their teen.

Rock solid relationships are not built by default but by design. It is sum total of all the small actions that you take everyday to strengthen your bond with your teenage daughter. And these constant efforts lead to building a strong & positive parent daughter relationship. 

How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter?

Investing time to better your relationship with your teenage daughter can have multiple positive outcomes. While on one hand you are assured of playing a positive role in her formative years. On the other hand your teenage daughter can enjoy a fulfilling and supportive relationship with you around. 

But sometimes the story is just not about building a better relationship with your teenager daughter. And it might begin with neutralising the mean teen behaviour and managing a difficult teenager in your home. It definitely looks like a long journey when you are to see it from the start however I can assure you that it is worth all your effort. The benefits of having a smooth, understanding and respectful teenage parent relationship far outreaches the efforts you would have to put in.

Why to invest in building strong relationship with your Teenager Daughter

So at the start, let us explore the top reasons of why it’s worthwhile investing all your time energy and efforts in building positive relationship with your teen. This is the key to understanding how to build better relationship with your teenager daughter.

How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter

One of the key reason you should be investing in your relationship with you teenager daughter is that your validation is important for your teen. And your acceptance of your teen is the most important one for them. Therefore, leaving the world aside your teenager daughter needs to know from you whether you accept her & like her wholeheartedly.  Once she is assured of this, she is ready to fight & win any battle outside the home. 

Another Significant reason for you to invest in your relationship with your teenage daughter is that by investing your time, intentions and energies right now, you can win this relationship for life. In simple terms it means that in the teen years, your teenager is exploring and trying to find her tribe. She is trying to figure out who she belongs to and once you win over her trust you will be in her team for life. You will be her friend for life. 

Teen years are the most vulnerable years when your children are bound to make mistakes and wrong choices. Investing in your relationship with them enables you to grab a place in their lives which they look upto. And they are more likely to listen and accept your suggestions once they see you as their friend and not only as the disciplinarian parent. However how to become a friend to your teenage daughter is also an art and a skill that requires mindful efforts. 

7 Most Common Roadblocks to Positive Parent daughter relationship

Ego

Ego is the one of the most significant roadblocks to building a positive parent daughter relationship. Parents usually operate from the premise that since the child is born to us, it is our responsibility to rear her in a way that her best version comes out in front of the world. The feeling of “My child My responsibility” , “My child My way” and “My child like Me” all lead to parental ego.

When the child grows up to be in her teen years,  she starts to develop her own viewpoint and her own way of looking at the world. And with the difference in these view points comes into existence the ego clashes between the parents and the teens. This acts as a major hindrance in building strong relationship between the parent and the teenager daughter.

Power

When your daughter enters into her teen years, her need to feel important in the bigger scheme of things increases many folds. Now there are two scenarios that may arise. First an intentional parent who might respond by giving her opportunity to exercise the power positively in the family decision. This is because the parent does understand the underlying need to exercise power & responds to it. And then there is another parent who lives his life by default and might end up fighting her need for increased power. So how a parent handles their daughter’s need for increased power defines the quality of their relationship with teen. But handled insensitively, this can be a major spoiler to the parent teen bond.

Experience

A parent obviously has lived more years on this earth as compared to his teenage daughter. Parents want their children to learn from their experiences and their mistakes However when this experience becomes a deterrent and comes in way of the teen daughter who is keen to try out new things and learn, it becomes a roadblock to her development.

While the intentions behind it is pure and positive; teenagers often tend to see this as a controlling behaviour by parents. And they see themselves as getting deprived to the opportunity to try out something new on their own. Learn from their own mistakes. This definitely prevents teens to do things their way and hence affects the bond with their parents.

Moreover, frequent advises by enthusiastic parents often land up on deaf ears and this starts the beginning of hurt and pain in family relationships. So for a strong parent daughter relationship it is imperative to provide a free ground to your teenager. A ground where she can experiment within limits & learn from her mistakes.

Need to Break rules in Teens

The teen years come with increased urge to break the set rules and cliches. This is partly a result of her new found Independence and partly the play of biochemicals in her changing body. A parent who is now standing far apart from his own teen years, finds it difficult to understand these dynamics. And hence the act of breaking rules is seen by a parent as a clear challenge to his authority. Also, it hurts his power and ego. This disconnect in intentions and actions lead to a lot of misunderstandings and clashes. And hence this is one of the main hindrances to building strong parents daughter bond.

Lack of Understanding

Your teenager daughter expects you to understand her life and her stress and empathise with her. At times, parents just simply fail to understand the basic needs of their teenagers. Going by their superficial rude and arrogant behaviours, parents take things personally. And so they end up feeling that their teenager daughter does not want their company or love anymore. And this widens the gap in between the parent daughter relationship.

Risk taking in Teens

While taking risk comes naturally to a teenager, a parent at times fail to understand the need for taking those risks. For a parent it seems obvious that teenager should learn from their experience and not take un-calculated risks and make mistakes. However it is a different story that your teen wants to live. So, this disconnect between the parent and a teenager often seems to your teen as lack of understanding on her parents part. This is one of the main roadblock to building a positive parent daughter relationship

Not being mindfully Present

We all try and spend some time each day with our kids. But how many times you are 100 percent available for your teen daughter in her stipulated time? It has become rare for parents to be present with mind body and soul and respond to their teenage daughters’ needs. Mobile phones addiction, technology, siblings, spouse, chores and so on. All these make you distracted and not spend quality time with your teen daughter.

7 Key Strategies on How to Build a better relationship with your teenage daughter

Few tips to answer to “How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter” are listed below. I have tried to enlist most of the strategies I use with my teen daughter. Also, if you can think of few more unique ideas do share them with me in the comments of this post. 

Spending Quality Time helps build strong relationship with your teenage daughter

Your teenager daughter does not need the same amount of your time she needed when she was a toddler. However the quality of your time has become more important than the quantity of your time. So spending quality time & connecting with her as a friend lays a great background for a strong parent daughter bond.

I often spend time with her playing her favourite board games. Its a great way to connect, talk in-between and share life stories. However I make sure that it is her exclusive time with me and I intentionally keep my son out of this time. Recently we fetched this new indoor game called “Suspend” and we spend hours playing and enjoying it. It’s fun to play and challenging in its own way.

Empathise with her to build a better relationship with your teen daughter

A great way to better your relationship with your teenager daughter is to be more understanding and responsive to her needs and feelings. Being emotionally available to support her when she needs you is something that your teenage daughter would appreciate. Moreover seeing the world from her perspective can help you ease out the strict rules and get in flexibility in your behaviour. And that’s a welcoming Start to a strong parent daughter relationship.

Choose your battles and leave some to better your relationship with your teen daughter

Every teenager wants to spend time with a loving and fun to be with parent. And on the other hand, teens and kids tend to stay away from a mom who is always stressed and yells often. So it’s wiser to pick and choose your battles and not fight on everything big and small. A good sense of humour proves to be a great tool for any parent in rearing teen kids. It not only helps diffuse tension and friction but also helps in increasing the fun quotient in the parent daughter relationship.

Respond not React to build a strong connect with her

I Can’t stress more on the importance of responding to your teenage daughter needs and not reacting to her tantrums. Simply put it means being mindful of processing her behaviour with the tools and techniques which makes it more humanly. It’s simple technique when used consistently can help build strong & loving Bond with your teenage daughter.

Open your house to her friends and see her getting closer to you

Friends are an important part of your teenagers life.The easiest to make way to your  to your daughters heart is to open up your house to her friends Spending time with friends  helps your teen enjoy a good time and hence lead to he fulfilment. When she sees that you care for things and people who matter to her, she becomes more appreciative of your relationship with her.

Recently I organised the Beauty party for my teenage daughter and her couple of close friends. This was an Exams Over Party and the girls enjoyed manicure pedicure by professionals. The Nails were painted in their favourite colours and the Icy Blue Nail Paint was the popular choice of the 3 girls. I had also arranged for the make up hampers which included the eye shadowan eye liner, a blush and a lip colour each for 3 of them. The girls had a blast and spent a memorable day together. We spoke about many things that day that. I feel it was worth every effort to get to know my girl and her friends so much better.

Participate in what she likes leads to building a stronger parent daughter bond

Your participation in things & projects she likes is a great way to communicate your interest in her life. Having a genuine interest in her Activities goes a long way in building a positive relationship.

Show up in her concerts/games and transform your relationship with her

Be it her Guitar class or a basketball match, make sure to show up and be with her to cheer for her. Doing these small things and taking these initiatives helps her feel belonged to and makes her feel well-grounded. Another point that I would want to add up here is that when you are going to her concerts and matches, be sure to dress up in a way she would like to see you. It is very important for teenage girls to have the right look and feel for themselves as well as their moms. So investing in a good dress apt for her occasion is something that would not go in vain.

One Strategy Does not fit all

While there is no one right strategy on How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter; every parent employs some unique ways. For some it can be as simple as using a loving nick name and for some it can be going a holiday and connecting with their teen. However what does not change is the unconditional love, attachment, and belongingness that your teen is wanting from you.

She wants to feel important, she wants to feel loved. Your teen wishes to know that you value her and accept her the way she is. She needs to talk to you without being judged or misinterpreted. Your teenage daughter needs to know that she can come to you fearlessly even after committing a mistake. She wants the confidence of someone watching her back.

And so the question “How to build a better relationship with your teenager daughter? ” would become simple to find answers for, once you develop clarity of what your teenager’s needs are. And then it should be dealt as a fresh start and followed through with efforts consistently to build strong bonds of affection and warmth.

Hi, I am Kushal Singhal – Parent of two lovely kids and the Founder of Cafe Whiz.

Happy Parenting!