How to set dating rules for a 13 year old teen daughter? Has this question been bothering you lately? Have you been worrying about your teen getting into love dating and relationships? Then you have reached the right place. In this post I will try to answer all the questions the parents might have about the 13-year-old starting to date. 

It is quite natural for us parents to think and assume the 13 is no age to fall in love. We are naturally wired to see our kids as being young & dependent on us. So imagining our little fellows as grown-up, ready to start dating is quite a herculean task for parents.

And therefore in this post we will try to decode everything that parents need to know about dating in teens. Is 13 the right age to start dating. If yes what are the dating rules I need to set for my 13 year old? How do I get my 13-year-old teen daughter to abide by the set rules? Let’s get started to find out all these answers.

How to set dating rules for a 13 year old teen daughter?

The first and the foremost idea that I want to put across is that parents should try and break the ice and connect with their teen daughter as a friend. Having done that is more than half the battle won.

The next step is to understand the language in which your 13 year old middle schoolers communicate amongst each other. With the onset of the digital age, popularity of social media apps like Facebook WhatsApp Keiko Instagram and Snapchat are at an all-time high. It is quite natural that the teen at your home is also majorly into social media. 

So I am presenting hear something common terms used by teens globally to communicate amongst each other.

How to set dating rules for a 13 year old teen daughter

I hope the above infographics help you in understanding the basic chat lingo teenagers use these days. When my daughter was about to enter her teens, my first course of action was to accustom myself to the teen slang & abbreviations used by them. So I started reading about the subject I found an amazing book on the subject and this marked the end of my search. 

Things to consider before setting dating rules for your 13 year old daughter

Is it the right age for your teenage daughter to start Dating?

There is no one right answer to this question. In a nutshell the best way to answer this question is from your own judgement as a parent. The right age for your teenage daughter to start dating is when she feels ready to handle the complexity of relationships. When she feels ready to manage the emotional ups and downs that come as a part of the Love Package. You may also want to read about the right age for your teen son to start teen dating.

What does Dating mean to her?

This suggested route to knowing your teen daughters ideas about dating is to have a candid heart-to-heart chat with her on this subject. More often than not the idea of love in early teens is limited to hanging out together and spending some time together as a part of the group of friends. If this is what you are early teen thinks about dating then be rest assured she’s acting perfectly as per her age. Having said that kissing or even hooking up is getting very common in teens these days. In to a recent study by Child’s Trends, around 20 percent of teens have had sex before the age of fifteen.

What are her reasons to Date?

Identifying your teen daughter’s views, information she has about the subject is an important step to complete before contemplating How to set dating rules for a 13 year old teen daughter. Sometimes, she wants to get into a relationship simply because of the pressure to conform to the group. Peer pressure is a big influence in any team’s life. But is it a good enough reason to blindly get into complexities of love and dating? A casual conversation with her helps you find answers to all these apprehensions in your mind. So go ahead talk to her and find out her reasons to go out on a date.

What are societal Norms for Teen Dating?

Different communities and cultures around the world have different views and norms about love and dating. So as a parent it is always beneficial to take into account the community norms before you go ahead to set the dating rules for your 13-year-old teenage daughter.

There are countries who are conservative not only in deciding the right age to start dating but about the whole idea of Dating. Keeping into consideration the community norms however does not mean following the herd blindly. It in turn indicates finding a fine balance between the acceptable societal norms and your teamsIt in turn indicates finding a fine balance between the acceptable societal norms and your teen’s needs.

Heart-breaks are a natural part of Love & Dating

Before you and your teenage daughter venture into the territory of love and dating for her you need to get accustomed to the idea of heartbreaks as a natural part of this process. However to see the brighter side of things, these relationships offer a great training on social skills to your teen daughter.

Additionally you should make sure to be around your teen daughter to support her stand and possible heartbreaks on the way. Being accessible for a talk or a suggestion is the least you can do to handhold her in her journey of love.

Setting Dating Rules for 13 year teen daughter

The time & frequency of her dates
The first and the foremost rule that needs to be put in place is about the amount of time she is allowed and how often she is allowed to spend time with a date. Since she’s entering into a new field which is unpredictable and rough in true sense the best idea that you can put forward is to go slow.

Suggest her to take her time to understand her own self first and then her date interest. Teach her the meaning of commitment and what all she can look forward to while she steps into the dating arena with eyes full of expectations and dreams.

Additionally this is a great opportunity to teach her about how to maintain and create a balance between different parts of our life. It is quite natural for her to get attracted & biased towards this whole new chapter of her life. But behaviours like this can prove to be  quite challenging in the future.

The Intimacy Bounds for her dates
The greatest fear any parent has concerning their teens dating is about intimacy. And that too is quite relative to the age that their kids are in. Rather than rearing the fear in our minds a great strategy is to talk openly and directly to your teens about what is allowed and what is beyond limits. Holding Hands, Kissing or hooking up; the teens globally are trying it all. However, discussing intimacy bounds beforehand gives you the control to decide what is right for your teen daughter.
Age Limits of partners
One of the very important factors that decide the safety and security of your teen while dating. Talk about the age limit of the date interest that your teen daughter is allowed to go out with. Dating partners older to your teenage daughter puts her at the risk of possible manipulation and abuse.
Home Invite Guidelines
Decide whether you want to permit your daughter to invite her date  home or not. At the age of 13,  kids usually tend to date someone from school and hence get involved in team projects together. It’s a good idea to have an open rule for home invite since you get the opportunity to know him and about their relationship better.
Money spending Guidelines
Another important area that you need to talk to your teenage daughter about is how to handle of finances.  When into a new relationship your daughter would want to spend not just on going out but also on gifts flowers and gestures like these. Teaching her to manage her finances and expenses is something that will stay with her for ever. So set guidelines on how much she can afford to spend on her dates from her monthly budgeted money.
Alcohol intake limits
Dating is fine but alcohol should be strictly off-limits at the young age of 13. Discuss that openly with your teen daughter and make her aware of the benefits and fallouts of frequent alcohol intake. Also be aware that trying out things like alcohol and drug a largely influenced by the peer pressure. Coaching your teen daughter on how to manage her friendships while still staying tall on her ethics and value systems is all what is required.
School & Studies guidelines
While dating it is definitely not okay to compromise on neglect school commitments and study times. Your daughter’s commitment to her core job of ageing her school and studies should remain the centrepoint. Everything else like fun, friendship, love and dating should become secondary.
Partying, Trips & Excursions
It’s a good idea to start dating along with a group of friends at this young age of 13. Parent decide upon your rules that you’re comfortable with about partying at night trips outside the town and going on excursions. There is no one strict right when it comes to these rules. However they should be collaboratively formed along with your daughter for them to be abided to.

Your Intent as a Parent of a Teenage daughter Counts

Setting the dating rules for your teenage daughter should not be seen as in controlling activity by your teenager. Parents need to exercise extra caution in setting the intent behind the dating rules right at the first place. Having done this builds an enabling ground to have a constructive conversation with your teenage daughter. So work mindfully to create a list of key points that you need to discuss with her about Love, Relationships & Dating.

Strict No’s while setting the Dating Rules

Drugs : Trying out drugs should be strictly prohibited as a rule for your teen daughter. Explain her the consequences and empathise with her curiosity to try out all things different. But clearly specify the unacceptable.

Closed Doors : Closed doors at home is something I don’t allow my teenage daughter. And while setting the rules I have clearly spelled this out in front of her.

Missing Classes : Dating is allowed but that can’t be an acceptable reason to miss school or activity classes.

Violence & Abuse : Your daughter is not supposed to compromise and take physical violence or emotional abuse from any one. Talk about it with your teenager and let her know that you would be watching her back.

Neglecting Routines : Your teen will have some good and happy days but you can’t ignore the stress, anxiety & sadness that comes as a part of relationships too. In these times, missing everyday routines and responsibilities would not be acceptable. This should be clearly talked about with your teen.

Neglecting other friendships : Every relationship has its own space. So dating someone does not make other relationships and friendships less important. Your teen should work towards creating a balance between dating & spending time with her friends.

These essential points should be discussed and agreed to before hand with your teenage daughter.

I remember recently when I did this conversation with my daughter who is exactly 13 years old, I took her for a fun day out. I intentionally worked on breaking the ice with her and made efforts to cross over to be in her team. Post this, we had an intense conversation with her on all the key points I have mentioned above. The fun part of the conversation was when I heard stories about gossips going around in her class. She also discussed how she gets affected when she gets to know about these gossips about herself. 

What more you need to know about How to set Dating Rules for a 13 year old teen daughter

While having explained all this, I would like to advise you to go easy on your 13 year old. There are a lot of factors affecting how your 13 year old teen daughter is behaving at this age. And Love & dating seem like big words for you, probably they don’t mean the same for your 13 year old. She is still trying to understand her own self and her emotions. So while it’s good to be aware and mindful of all of the above your conversation with your teen 13 year old and she totally depend on the maturity level of your daughter.

For example if you are 13-year-old is naming a cosy warm friendship with a guy in her class as a date; should you really be having a mature conversation regarding sex and abuse with her? May be not. So tone down in case you fee that your teen is not ready for this conversation.

However for a more open and progressive teen who is in control of her life may want to explore all the questions she has in her mind regarding sex, alcohol etc. So having the conversation straight up is helpful in this case.

So go ahead and prepare your 13 year old teen daughter for the world. Happy Parenting!

Hi, I am Kushal Singhal – Parent of two lovely kids and the Founder of Cafe Whiz.