How to set dating rules for a 14-year-old daughter? And How to have this crucial conversation with your teen? If you have been thinking about this, then this post is rightly for you. The very thought of your young 14-year old adolescent dating and having romantic inclinations can be nightmarish. Psychologically and physically, your teen daughter is undergoing a lot of changes that set the ball rolling. And modern-age technology acts as the perfect enabler & at times the cupid too.
With unrealistic and media-inspired ideas about love in her mind, it is but natural for your 14-year to want to fall in love. But, she may not have the right skills and the knowledge to handle the relationship completely on her own. The fact remains that even you as parents can do nothing to prevent her from taking the plunge into the abysmal world of romanticism and fantasy.
And, knowing well that the cupid can come calling anytime, we, as parents have significant roles to play. Right from equipping your teen daughter with the right knowledge & skills to setting comfortable rules for her dating, parents should get involved with their teen and hand hold her all through out to smoothen the phase.
How to set dating rules for a 14 year old teen daughter
Two of the most bothersome questions that parents cannot fathom in this context are – Who she meets and what she does. You may want to ask this every time but it could be uncomfortable for both you and your teen. However, acknowledging that there is an elephant in the room, the right way to handle this subject is by connecting & communicating with your daughter as a friend.
However uncomfortable it may sound; parents do need to talk to their young daughters to prepare them for relationships and dating. From telling them about mutual respect, love and friendship to the physical intimacy, if you are not talking to her, then her friends, media and other influences are. And you are not sure what is getting into her mind and making her form perceptions and ideas about an important aspect of her life.
These are some important themes to have the conversation about Dating with your teen daughter.
Set these Dating Rules for a 14 year old teen daughter
While considering how to set dating rules for a 14 year old teen daughter, consider this list of themes to discuss. Talk about each of these and collaboratively set the bounds and limits.
|Back Home Time Limit
The time she is expected to be back home every evening.
|Number Of Dates / Meetings Allowed
Collaboratively, decide on the frequency of meetings you are ok with.
|Set Expense Limits
Teach her to spend wisely and manage her allowances within limits
|Physical Intimacy Bounds
Decide with her the limits on kissing, hugging, PDA and physical intimacy
|Social Media Limits
Set limits on her screen time & parental restriction on inappropriate content.
Limit on the potential dating partner’s age
|Alcohol & Drugs
Clear specifications on non indulgence on alcohol & drugs
|Tattoos, piercing etc
Set policy of parental permission before changing their physical appearance with hair closing, tattooing, body piercing etc.
Key Things to consider while setting dating rules for a 14 year old teen daughter
Dating years are easy or can prove to be challenging – a lot depends on how as parents, you are there to support and keep the dialogue open with your young one. While it is important that you do not be difficult, you certainly need to ensure a certain level of discipline here. You have to be tough at times; soft at others but always, as a rule, need to be around for helping your teen see through these challenging in the adolescent development phase.
Accept the fact that your child is no longer a kid and is growing up.
This sets the environment right. Your daughter may be the tiny lil person for you but she is a grown up beautiful young teen. She will start to get attention and enjoy it. It is natural and normal. Accept it, make peace with it and look forward.
Rules need to be set amicably.
Set realistic rules & do not get dominating here. Also, keep your girl involved in deciding the rules. Ask them to tell you what they have in mind. Collaborate with each other. Your girl will respect and follow the rules when she is convinced about them.
Communication should be 24 hours open and honest
Ask. Talk. Share your experiences. Smile. Joke. Laugh together. But please do not stop the communication or pass judgements. The communication has to be both sided and needs to be open and frank – no hint dropping, no disrespect and definitely no attempt to make her the laughing stock at family dinner time!
Meet her partner
Call over the person and invite them home. It is good to know the immediate friend circle of your daughter and if it is someone, she is really fond of then it makes more sense to get acquainted with the person concerned.
Equip your daughter with the ‘No’
Your teen is at the right age to be taught about the power and the importance of a ‘No’ so that she is never manipulated or violated. She needs to understand that consent is an important aspect of a dating relationship. She should know where to stop – how far to go in order to build a healthy relationship.
Also, in the event that she feels that her consent is being threatened and not heard, she should know whom to approach – you, the school counsellor or an elder sibling. This gives her self-confidence boost. She understands the difference between being in an unrealistic romantic world and the pragmatic world.
Internet and social media skills
Agreed that kids of this new-age are smart and confident, you still need to don the mantle of a social media teacher from time to time. Tell her about what is acceptable and what is not on social media. So, teach her to engage in safe use of this platform and how to handle the various apps and features of social media responsibly. Also, you need to be very vociferous on the misuse of the platform, quoting examples if necessary, to warn her about the potential dangers.
7 Key Questions to Ask your Teen before setting the Dating Rules
While dating is a difficult subject to handle for parents there is a brighter side to Teen dating as well. It helps the young minds to understand the benefits of having positive relationships in their life. Also, they get accustomed to the fact that it takes efforts to make relationships work. Understanding how to deal with the ups and downs of love relationships makes them stronger individuals who are then ready to enter into more committed relationships in adulthood.
Before you go ahead and have the conversation about setting the dating rules for your 14 year old teen daughter, listed below are seven key questions you should be asking her:
- What got you interested in the subject of Dating?
The basic intent behind this question is for you to know why does she want to date. Is it the peer pressure that is pushing her or is it that she really likes a boy and want to be friends with him? This conversation would prove to be helpful not just for you but also provides a lot of clarity to her. At this age it is definitely cool to have a boyfriend but that is not a good enough reason to make a boyfriend. So this question presents a perfect opportunity for you to coach her on the fundamentals of any relationship. And in turn helps you in building a better & stronger relationship with your daughter. The more you empathise and stand with her, support her and help her gain clarity of thoughts, the more she would want to speak to you in future about her issues and challenges.
- Who do you want to date?
As a parent you would want to know who is your daughter’s interest. Knowing the person can often ease out your anxiety about your daughter’s safety. Additionally, you would wan to know, whether she would be dating a person her age or no. This is because entering into a relationship with an older adult could lead to emotional & physical exploitation & abuse.
- What are your expectations from dating?
Many young teens start to develop unrealistic expectations from their dates. When things however, do not go as per their wish and expectations, they tend to get depressed and sad. This question is a great conversation starter to help your teen set realistic and practical expectations from her relationship.
- Do you know about cyber bullying & stalking? What steps you need to take to keep yourself safe?
This is because cyber stalking is another ill associated with dating early and over-use of technology. Such harassment can have irreversible negative effects on your young daughter and leave her traumatised for long. So communicate and set those safety rules and bounds for your teen daughter before she starts dating.
- How do you plan to strike a balance between dating and academics?
You must make your daughter understand the need of academics and why it should not be sacrificed at the cost of dating.
- What are your thoughts about Sex & physical intimacy?
However difficult it may seem to talk to your young teen about this subject, it is imperative for parents to talk openly about it. Set clear boundaries on this and let her know your expectations from her on this subject.
- What do you know about dating violence?
Statistics indicate teenage dating being subjected to resulting into dating violence. From emotional violence that hurts their self-esteem to physical violence that leaves them physically and sexually abused, there are enough cases that get registered every year.
Your Support as a Parent is important for your teen to abide by the Dating rules
As parents we always want the best for our child. This is normal. Equally realistic it is for your young growing-up 14-year-old girl to get attracted to people from the other sex. So, you need to respect her likes, even if you know that her preferences are not perfect for her. Giving her the field to explore new people, relationships and friendships helps her build br own confidence and self esteem.
Your role as a parent is to be a facilitator and a friend. A friend who is always there to support and talk to. Assuring your presence emotionally in all times around her is a great added confidence to your teen’s conduct. However, you just cannot get aggressive, unyielding and authoritative on this issue. Because, this will only push her away and put her in a more precarious position.
Always be there for your daughter and never let her feel she is alone to face these challenges. Be a good listener, be patient, and give space to your daughter so that she can trust you and share whatever is going on in her life with you. Also, understanding that dating rules are for your Teen as well as for your own peace helps as well. Additionally it is helpful to bring clarity of thought and build understanding about allowed freedom, restrictions and limits regarding all important aspects of Love & Dating in Teens .
Don’t let your experiences influence your teen daughter’s views about Love & Dating.
Another thing to always keep at the back of your mind is that as parents we often tend to colour the glasses with which our kids see the world with our own perceptions and ideas. This definitely is not a great idea when you want your teen to be independent and take her own decisions in life. So let your daughter explore the world and form her own perceptions. And, hand hold her, talk to her and may be give your inputs as well, but let her form her own opinions on this subject & otherwise too.
So thesis all about How to set dating rules for a 14 year old teen daughter. Read additionally about dating rules for 15 year old here. You may also want to read about other challenges related to teenage and may find useful & must read resources here.