How to set dating rules for your teenager daughter? Is that something playing on your mind? If yes, then you will find all the information you need to sail through in this post.
Teenage dating is a significant phase in the life of both teenagers and their parents. Therefore, the way this subject is dealt with, by parents defines the perceptions of your teens. Perceptions they would carry about love & relationships for life. So it is very critical to handle your teen the right way so she feels she has the independence & power to make her decisions her way. At the same time her safety, wellness and overall development is not compromised a bit.
Hence, it is imperative for parents to set ground rules for their teenage daughter before she ventures into the new, risk-prone territory of Dating. Now, let us talk about How to set dating rules for your teenager daughter in details.
How to set dating rules for your teenager daughter
In this digital and fast moving age, it is important for parents to talk about teen dating & skill themselves optimally on the subject. And the first step towards this would be the awareness about the statistics & trends worldwide. Also, this helps in setting aside the apprehensions and fears parents have regarding the right age & the right way to start dating.
Have a look at the statistics below. And we know that it is quite common for teens to date Also the use of Social Media Sites like Facebook in staying connected to their partners is common amongst teens. So in this scenario, it is most apt to set the Dating Rules and give Advice to your teenage daughter on Dating. Making her aware about the pros and cons of dating is imperative for parents. And helping her develop thinking skills so she is empowered to take the right decisions is the role of the informed parents.
By talking to your daughter, you not only make her aware of what she can expect in Dating. But also communicate her significance in your life. Collaboratively, you can set the dating rules and communicate your expectations from each other while in this crucial conversation.Moreover, it also serves as a great tool to understand your daughter’s mindset and clarify all her doubts regarding love, & dating.
The above statistics will help you understand the world your teenagers live in. The statistics have been sourced from Pewresearch
Top 10 Fears in Parents about Setting Dating Rules for the teenage daughter
Parents often are caught unprepared and don’t know what to do when their teenage daughters start falling in love. I have compiled here a list of most common fears parents have regarding Dating. So, before we start the conversation about How to set dating rules for your teenager daughter, let’s conquer these fears.
|It is too early for my teenage daughter to start dating|
|Well, the trends showcase that around 35% of the teens on an average have had some kind of romantic relationship. However for a parent to decide the right age for their teen daughter to start dating, these statistics are only a standard figure. What matters the most is that “Is your teen ready to start dating?” If yes, then this is the right time to start preparing her for this game.|
|My daughter is not ready for serious relationship like love.|
|Absolutely, I agree. But Love & dating at this age is not always serious. More often than not, Dating at this age is about spending some time together, walking hand in hand and going out for coffee. Therefore, a good way to start is to have a talk with your daughter to understand her take on dating. Understand her reasons and her views and then decide whether to permit her to go ahead or not.|
|What if this love and dating interferes with her studies|
|This is the very idea behind setting the dating rules. So leave aside this apprehension and let your daughter enjoy her age specific fun. Have your agenda of school, homework and studies clearly expressed while in the conversation about dating rules with her.|
|When will she focus on her career if she falls into love|
|Firstly, going on a date is not a useless activity. In fact rather see it as a social skill building exercise for your teenage daughter. However, the focus on studies & career should never take a backseat in the these building years for your teen. Both the things when in fine balance can go hand in hand and help in overall development of your teen.|
|Will she able to keep herself safe from alcohol & drug abuse|
|A very valid apprehension in the parents’ minds. They worry about safety of their teenage daughter from the alcohol and drug abuse all around her. The idea is to have faith in your own upbringing and value system that you have helped build in your family.
Be open to have a conversation and be accessible to your teenage daughter. The focus should be on building the kind of relationship with your teenage daughter that she feels absolutely okay to come and discuss anything and everything with you. Connect with her as a friend and reinforce the importance of standing up for her ethics & values.
|What if the boy intends to take undue advantage of her|
|This is an apprehension in the minds of parents of the teenage girls which is biggest in magnitude and still least talked about. However having this fear in your mind is a clear indication of self-doubt and trust in your own upbringing and parenting. While you have done your part well by creating open channels of communication and clearing all her doubts branching out of curiosity, the rest is best left to life.
You can additionally create another checkpoint to avoid this situation while setting the dating rules and boundaries. Therefore my advice to you parents would be to just relax and take life as it comes. You have prepared an enabling play field for your daughter.
|I am afraid about her physical intimacy|
|A valid but impractical concern. Physical intimacy is a significant and natural part of human lives. Parents should focus upon giving their daughters the right information & awareness about their own bodies.|
|How will she protect herself from violence and abuse|
|Teach your teenage daughter to stand up for her own self, to not take any injustice and keep her respect prior to anything else in this world. And she will be able to face strongly, the world which is full of abnormalities and imperfections.|
|She is too young to have a fair judgement about being with right people.|
|Very true and this is the very right age for her to develop that understanding of people, their intentions and the masks that they wear. Unless she’s given an opportunity to deal with people on her own she won’t be able to learn the skill. So handhold her support her but let her be the face and let her take her own decisions.|
|I don’t want her to do something she does not want to do just under peer pressure|
|Doing something under peer pressure or because of the pressure to conform is an idea that stems from having the locus of control of your personality outside of your own self. This is one of the reasons that will keep on creating new challenges at different stages of her life.
Teach her to be internally motivated, to find her happiness and acceptance inside her. And coach her to not get significantly impacted by what others feel and think about her. Additionally work on developing her self esteem and you are sorted.
We have covered most of the apprehensions parents have while their kids enter teenage regarding love & dating. Incase you have something to add on to this list, do share with me in the comments.
Key themes to consider on “How to set dating Rules for your teenager daughter”
We have discussed the fears and apprehensions, let us now talk about key things and themes regarding dating rules. The underlying fact that teenage is all about feeling independent, powerful and adult-like is to be kept in mind all through out to make this initiative a successful one.
Establishing Rules About Time Limits
A clear conversation with your teenage daughter about the amount of time she is allowed with her friend is helpful in setting right expectations. Have a clear deadline defined for her to get back home in the evening. A lot of times she would argue back with examples of her peers and friends being allowed out of home till late. But this should not deter you from defining the time limits you are comfortable with.
I am a mother to a 13-year-old daughter and I too have set time limit for my daughter to be out of home and to be with her friends. I intentionally bundle the dating time and the time to chill out with friends together. On one hand it makes things simpler for her to understand that it’s two hours a day she can be out of home. Another benefit that I communicate by this strategy is that dating and friendship are not in two different buckets at this age. This helps ease out the pressure of intimacy from her shoulders.
Establishing Rules on Physical Intimacy
Teen years are too early to have any kind of physical intimacy on the dates. This idea needs to be clearly specified to your teenage daughter. Global trends showcase that physical intimacy ranges from holding hands in early teenage to having sex in the late teens.
However while setting the dating rules for your teenage daughter, you along with your daughter should collaboratively decide what is the limit to physical intimacy that you as a family want to set. For my 13 year old a hand shake, a friendly hug is all which is allowed right now. Of course we need to update these rules in couple of years for her.
Establishing Rules about how to manage Society & Peers
Love and dating are seen differently all around the world bases the history culture and value systems of the place. So set the rules about how to manage the society and peers bases the culture you live in. Decide the amount of public display of affection that you are okay with.
You should also talk to your teenage daughter about how to manage her friends and peers with respect to her love relationship. In few cultures across the world, teen dating starts with going out with a group of friends. It is one of the safer options initially, till you and your daughter get to know her date well enough to trust.
Establishing Rules about online dating
In this age of Facebook and Instagram dating, setting rules for online safety and online dating is an important task for every parent. Parental controls, understanding the chat lingos and familiarity with different dating apps and social media apps are the initial steps to start preparing yourself. Moreover, rules about not dating any stranger, not divulging any personal details online and not stalking or bullying your ex should be covered while setting the dating rules.
Establishing Rules about Age Limits
Setting the age limits for going on a date is also an important step. And, clearly specifying that your daughter is not allowed to date someone significantly older than her ensures her safety and security.
Have the Conversation about Dating Rules with Your Teen Daughter
The conversation with your teen daughter about love & dating is a crucial one and it is best to be prepared and mindful while getting into it. So, go out on a coffee date or just a stroll in a garden where you can sit and talk without much distractions. Having the right mindset and right setting is half the battle won. So go ahead and have this conversation with your teen.
1. Get to know your daughter’s date. 2. Talk about places she is allowed to go to while on date. 3. Get to know who is at the partner’s home when she is invited. 4. An Open Door while the couple is at home is something you must ensure 5. Tell your daughter to never compromise on abuse of any kind 6. Tell your daughter to never compromise on her self respect And you are all set to go
1. Get to know your daughter’s date.
2. Talk about places she is allowed to go to while on date.
3. Get to know who is at the partner’s home when she is invited.
4. An Open Door while the couple is at home is something you must ensure
5. Tell your daughter to never compromise on abuse of any kind
6. Tell your daughter to never compromise on her self respect
And you are all set to go
How to get your teen daughter to obey the set Rules
Collaboration while setting the rules is the key here. When you ask her for her inputs and suggestions while in the process of setting the dating rules, it organically passes on the ownership of execution of these rules onto her. Furthermore you should stay away from expecting perfectionism while executing these rules. Because perfectionism is no more than a myth in our human world.
Teen years offer a great learning field to your teenager. Parents should be okay to see their teens making their own set of mistakes and learning from them. Also, offering occasional reminders & refreshing the rule talk can be a helpful strategy too. Hence in a nutshell; inclusivity & buy in of your teenage daughter is as important while setting the dating rules.
There is no one set way to answer “How to set dating rules for your teenager daughter”
There is definitely not a single correct way to setting the dating rules for your teenage daughter. It all depends on you, your daughter, your perceptions and the societal norms that you abide by. So follow your instincts and go ahead and set the dating rules that you feel right for your teenage daughter. And they would be the best for you and, your family.