Delete the No, Insert a Yes
Don’t say No to your kids
Listening to a “No” is never a pleasant feeling. While it makes one sad immediately, a more frequent “No” has its long term effects as well.
Impact on kids:
- Immediate sadness, anger or hurt
- Feeling of disapproval
- Loss of confidence
- Loss of initiative drive
- Negative feelings for parents
- Lying or hiding things from parents
Therefore it is important for all of us to assess the overall environment of the child to understand whether it’s a yes or a no that the child is hearing more frequently. While there are times that call for a Strict, Big and Assertive No, there are plenty, when the “No” can be simply avoided.
How to delete a No and insert a Yes in your conversations with kids.
- Use positive language:
Kid X: Throwing his blocks on the floor
Mom: X keeps his toys in the basket so he can get them all next time he wants to play.
Kid X: Can I have a candy?
Mom: Sure you can have candy of your choice post dinner today. Right now let us find cheese in the super market.
Kid X: Can I go out to play right now?
Mom: Yes you can go for 15 minutes play after you finish your dinner.
- Divert Attention: Another way to deleting the no is to divert the attention of the kids to other interesting things around.
Kid: Crying for a chocolate
Mom: X, look what I found for you, a colour changing ball. Come I will show you how to play with it.
Kid: Can I watch a cartoon right now and do the homework later.
Mom: We are planning to go for a walk post dinner and have ice cream and this means if you want to accompany the homework must be finished before 7pm.
- Provide options: Sometimes kids are not able to understand what to do instead. So providing them with options to do helps in these cases.
Kid: Ringing the bell multiple no. of times.
Mom: After ringing the doorbell once, we can count till hundred before ringing it again. Or after ringing the doorbell, would you please check the mail box for any important mails and I will be right here at the door by then.
- Silly it may sound, but it worked many times for me. Sometimes I told my daughter very good, awesome while she was in middle of something that she was not supposed to do. These words would make her realise what she was doing wrong and she would immediately correct me and say no mom this is not right.