Parenting: Beyond the camera
More often than not, we catch a beautifully crafted, colourful and happy picture of parenting all around us. Be it magazines or the advertisements, we see an ideal household with clean floor, well organised cupboards, siblings playing and laughing together, a calm and composed mommy wearing her designer dress and kids enjoying a healthy meal. A few camera captured moments can look like this.
However what we fail to showcase is the other side of the same coin. So while kids are a blessing that fill your life with laughter and happiness; they also add a massive bout of responsibility, a lot of patience, a hurricane of emotions, and a bucket full of challenges in everyday life. Therefore in my writings for Café whiz, this will be a big focus area. To present in front of you a picture of parenting which is as close to reality as possible. For new parents or couples wanting to take a plunge will get a closer look at the real picture, the couples presently sailing the ship of parenting would get lot of ideas to pick up and use while on way.
Few things out rightly contradict my pre conceived notion of parenting. So while I was carrying; a story was knitted every day by friends, families, parents, peers and well-wishers and it was all in sync with each other. People said it’s an out of the world feeling to get into motherhood. It strengthens your existing bond with the spouse. It fills your home with laughter, love and happiness. People also said getting into parenthood is the next step to marriage. You graduate and become parents.
And since the story was all the happy-happy one, I allowed it to enter my mind without an iota of doubt or a need for further research.
However the reality did seem a lot more than the story.
- The day of motherhood would be the happiest day of your life.
I heard my elders and even my cousins of seemingly same generation tell me, the day you will see your baby, you will experience every joyful emotion motherhood has to offer. You would love your baby to eternity. It will be the moment of truth. However the reality is also that the entire birth process is so extremely exhausting for the mothers to experience all the said emotions. Also when I do compare the readings of my love meter, the reading today after 7 years is way above the reading on first day. It takes time to strengthen the bond already developed inside your body. So it’s absolutely natural to feel stressed/stuck at times initially, but as the time passes by you would grow fonder of your baby and then you would experience the joys of parenting to the fullest.
- Parenting makes your marital bond stronger.
A couple is together in the happiness and responsibility of parenting. But with the incoming of a new born, the equation between the couple changes. While the husband starts to live with the fact that he is not the centre of all the love, affection and attention any more, the wife is already struggling with her stress due to physical emotional and lifestyle changes. It’s a difficult situation to be in and definitely the relationship experiences this new stress for a long time before the bond gets stronger.
- You are on top of the world after the baby. You get a new identity as your kid’s mom.
What is not talked about is the loneliness that the new mother feels after the new born kid at home. The husband is back to work, relatives back to their homes. The mother feels all the heat because of one big change in her life and that is “parting away with her freedom”. Everything now revolves around the kid, her sleep, her movement, her talking, her emotions, and her household chores everything.
- If we r not trying everything we r not doing anything.
From salsa classes to Kung Fu karate, from football to baseball, from ballet dancing to gymnastics, from swimming to basketball, from spellathons to abacus, well our kids need to know them all. And if we don’t do it all, we are not justifying our role as good parents. Really? In this age of ever changing dynamics, where parenting has no fixed norms, guidelines and rules, it is quite confusing for parents to navigate their kids. They are unclear of what they want to achieve in parenting. Let us not just blindly follow the world and trends. Have a few clearly defined goals in parenting. A good thought is to focus on raising moral and productive kids. Money, fame, happiness, high self-esteem will all follow. Let us work towards making their journeys meaningful, destination will be reached and rewards will be reaped.