Silence: The Gold in Parenting Skill
Silence The gold Parenting Skills
My child does not have to be playing the T20 world cup final for me to understand this feeling. When she was so close to winning and did not win. What do you as a parent do?
Aha, yes I know what’s the right thing to do.
Communicate and talk it out, tell your child I love you no matter what, tell her its fine, tell her participation is more important than winning and then there is always the next time.
And wow i am doing good at Parenting….
Well may be not.
Sometimes silence is the best road to travel. I learnt this when I was witnessing the inter school dance finale competition of a friend’s daughter Rhea. The final 3 kids were to perform and the results to be declared by the end of the programme. The kids were all dressed up in their prettiest bests and were confident with a month long of practice sessions behind them. The audience were all charged up to witness the grand performances of the top 3 kids.
All the 3 kids rocked the show. The results were decided on the basis of a common opinion of 3 renowned dancers and choreographers and to our disappointment Rhea stood 3rd. While I could see tears roll down Rheas eyes what i learnt from her mom that day has stayed with me for years and is now a great tool i use very often with my kids. May be talking it out about the failure is not the best way in which the situation can be managed. May be Silence is still the golden tool that can make kids learn from their failures.
Instead of talking to her and motivating her, Rheas mom just adopted complete silence and it did wonders. On one hand it gave a good time to the mom to think and choose her words carefully so as to add a genuine meaning to the positive words she was to speak. While on the other hand the time Rhea got in silence was good enough for her to realize her failure and come in terms with it. While on the drive back to our homes, complete silence was hard for me to understand but when i saw rhea getting down from the car and asking her mom, what is in dinner, everything started to make sense.
I understood that while it is important to be ready to do anything for your children, if you try to shield them from unpleasant or painful experiences, it will do more harm than good. When your child is about to fall, it is but natural for us parents to lend our hand and hold them but sometimes letting them fall and giving them time to rise up on their own is what we as coaches need to do. The important thing is not to take out failures from our kids lives but to teach them to be strong enough to face obstacles and rise above them. To teach them to never give up.
When i reflected upon the incident I also understood that Rheas mom applied the strategy of silence not to close the channels of communication but to let her have the sense of her own emotions and to let her have the liberty to start the conversation when she wanted it. This also meant that the focus of the mom was absolutely on listening the said and also the unsaid because she was not the one to speak. Amidst all her disappointment, Rhea took her failure in her stride and just said that Anaya should not have won the competition. At the dinner table, an important life skill was learnt and new resolutions were made. 🙂
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