The Journey to her Lost Self: A Mom’s tale
The inflight manager once again made the announcement. This time it was about an hour more of delay in taking off… While Meera was eagerly waiting to get back home to her 6-year-old daughter, after a week of official travel; she was completely at peace with the delays happening due to the unexpected rains in Paris this time around.
No, she was not complaining, she was not cursing and she was not yelling. That was such a big and pleasant change for her – she thought. She was enjoying some extra moments she had on hand and only to herself. In the race of time, hustling between the onerous targets at work, and never-ending house chores, between the spouse who is equally pushed against time, and her daughter who is always longing for her attention & love, she felt she had lost a part of herself.
What is my inner Meera trying to tell me – she sat there thinking and conversing to her own self. Now is the time she thought when she could sit quietly & reflect upon all what has been happening in her life. While she relaxed a bit more in the comfort of her business class seat, she asked for a cup of coffee and started on what she called “The journey to her Lost self”.
While looking at the water droplets dancing on her window, she tried to smile and enjoy the lovely weather and her coffee. But the question kept coming back to her mind, time and again. The words just flashing in front of her whenever she closed her eyes. The question that her mom asked her the other day – are you happy? She left the reins to her thoughts and let her mind free to go and wander around, she sat there reflecting what is it that she has been feeling every day for the last couple of months.
The trail of thoughts initiated that night from the plane at Paris airport went straight to her family that she was the closest to – Her husband Tanmay and her daughter Aneira. She remembered all that her husband does to support her so she could get out of the house and work, she felt all the beautiful cards that her daughter keeps painting for her often, she relived all her vacations and the beautiful times they have spent together and she remembered her new house…Her heart filled with gratitude and she felt so blessed with all what she had.
Thinking about everything at work and the progress she has made in the last couple of years added on to her smile. Life has been good at home and at the office. But then a sudden emptiness entered and overpowered her. It was that little voice from the deep corner of her heart again. The voice that left her pining for something. Longing for something unknown.
“If life has been so gracious & kind with me, then why am I not happy?” – With this, she started her inner quest to get the answer.
And at the next moment, she found herself in the middle of her most cherished memories. All the happy times, long strolls in the park, her coffee dates she enjoyed with Tanmay and all the attention she had from the love of her life. She realized she was smiling and remembering the loving times they had spent in college together when the only thing on their minds apart from each other was to study and get good grades. She lived like a carefree bird who just knew how to live and love. She realized how happy she had been in those days.
So what changed now?
When was the last time Tanmay and she had gone out for a date? When did he look into her eyes and express his love? And when was the last time she prepared and set a romantic meal for him at home? She tried to remember but could not. All this was so part of their lives together before Aneira came into being. She felt the uneasiness inside and tears rolled out of her eyes. She knew exactly what she had been longing for. All the love, attention and Tanmay’s mind-share she earlier enjoyed was completely missing from her life now. What she was living now was a completely mechanized life system which had routines, respect, care, luxuries, success, smiles, and Aneira. Meera had been longing for somethings that were more elementary to her happiness and she resolved to get it all back.
The cup of nice coffee and the rain outside the window played their part that they were supposed to. The part of facilitating reflection, cultivating newer ideas, bringing new resolutions and injecting new energy.
With the last sip of her coffee and the last announcement by the inflight manager, Meera tucked in her seat belt and started her journey to home and happiness.
Sometimes what it takes is a moment of reflection to get your life answers. Always be connected to your inner voice and hear what it’s trying to say.
This blog is a part of #BirthdayBlogTrain hosted by Gunjan Upadhyay and Neha Sharma. I would like to thank Snehal for introducing me to this blog train and would further like to introduce Arushi to share her take on the prompts.